I am struggling with my current relationship, I love him, but I have the thoughts of him being a narcissist, player or using meThanks. Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. He said the reason we broke up was because of different love languages, arguing, and that he was not as emotionally available as I need him to be. I asked why the sudden change? The main problem in our relationship is one: I go out of my way for him all the time and apparently that is ok. 36 Questions to Ask Your Partner That Lead to Love, 6 Signs Youre Growing Apart From Your Partner, take a negative toll on your relationship, determine if the partnership is worth mending. You may find it helpful to write about your relationship. 3: like he hates me so much and it wont be long or difficult for someone he likes better to come along and replace me. My boyfriend is exactly the same and Ive been relating so much to what youve said in your post! Still, surprises still pop up often enough to keep you on your toes. Anyways, good luck, and I hope things turn out well for you! Life is to short to live on a roller coaster. Hes him. Ive put my career aside to help him build his business. If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. But after reading the article I realize that Ive just been complaining but I have never taken out the time to ask him, what a healthy happy relationship looks like to him, what his definition of effort is, or what kind of life does he want us to live, with me planning everything for us or what he wants. Everything about him was so private I have no idea what he does. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. And I told him we can figure it out together after 1/2 weeks I asked him again and go if you dont want to be with me just say it and he said he doesnt want to be a di**head and I said fine and I tried ending it because the way I was getting replies I felt as if he didnt want this no more. He assumed I wanted an argument for asking him to take the bin out. If so, you have to trust that your relationship can handle this temporary lull in affection and attention. Do you feel loved? And think about the other person not just about yourself. Its more to the story but I just want to vent that.. hey girl wake up,do you want to spend the rest of your life living like that? He has changed massively and does not do any of those things now. He compromised but I guess his old self is back .Ive not heard from him today as well.I would understand if he was unwell,Id appreciate it if he could atleast send me even a short message so I wouldnt get so worried. years later, i went to my facebook to unblock some people in my list, including him. That way, I can assure two things. Seriously, he was amazing. Now I am sitting alone in my room crying and reading online articles about how to feel better about myself. Around the 5th month, he asked me to be his girlfriend but then he quickly retracted it after realizing how serious we were about to be. Im a stay home mom right now but still help my BF with reports, programs etc for work. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. It isnt fair. There may be more social pressure on men to be the ones who go after women, but hes got feelings too. Next thing I woke up to a text. Last week he finally invited me over to his house after not seeing him for almost two weeks when he had his daughter. Which was Im looking so bad I dont want neighbours to see me like this. Its comforting knowing others face the same issues. Maybe he doesnt want to look like a fool. I wish he understood how confused and unloved this makes me feel. Such as examples of what he did made you feel a certain way and what was the real reason he did that? Made me feel so bad. His complaint is that no matter what he does is never enough and that I dont contribution anything. Know your worth and dont settle for a man who doesnt act like hes got you pinned down, get a man who treats you like he cant get enough of you. He may not be the person for you. Then I get a text at 10 pm! If we cant COMMUNICATE with our guys needs to be worked on by both parties. I feel like my heart is breaking already, just waiting for the dreaded phone call to say he cant give me what I want when Ive said all I want is some time together an hour here or there, some texts to show he cares I dont feel its much but if its too much for him then I guess I need to accept things. He never plans to visit me unless I ask him when hes coming, like he doesnt do anything unless I nag him, and I dont want to be a nagging person so I thought its best we go separate ways and see if we can work it out. When i say effort drops off, he takes hours to reply to me despite being very active on social media and those replies are one word conversation enders, isnt bothered about spending time with me, tells me he is busy with his family, but I will find out hes actually with his friends, I plan days out in advance but he makes me aware he wont be able to attend because of workbut then when the time comes round to it, he is free but is going out with his friends in advance. Soon realizing i wasnt going to come back to where i met him i tried to break it off. :'(. What can i do to walk out of this toxic relationship? When leaving to go home, 98% of time, he kisses me passionately and holds me tight. You deserve to be treated well and loved the way you want to be loved. WORKS BUT DOES NOTHING ELSE. He always gives excuses such as I just ate and no matter what I still put my pride aside and do it for him. So currently on the couch drinking a beer, eating leftovers from a 3 days ago (which is humorous because he could have at LEAST heated that up for me) and then all the sudden the dog jumps up at me. Would you be better off without him? He chose to try with his ex leaving me broken hearted but we remained friends. He has some property on the other side of town, he asked me to move in with him to establish a foundation. Im in the same situation. YESTERDAY I TEXTED HIM AN TOLD HIM THE TRASH SMELT BAD AND HE SAID OKAY ILL TAKE IT OUT WHENI GET HOME. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. And if you need help deciding what to do about a boyfriend who isnt making an effort in your relationship, you can share your story in the comments section below. The last 3 sentences are what I just told myself & did! Like hes not gonna change. Hes been going through a bit of a struggle with his mental health lately so Ive been trying really hard not to hold how hes been distant over him because I do understand it and I dont want to pry. We have been talking for almost a month. This might not apply to all guys. I dont want to lose him,i made a mistake and have learnt to trust him now! Oct 1, 2017 I was at the Rought 91 shooting in Vegas, Febr 2018 my husband at the time decided to go back to being a Jehovahs witness and puts a ton of stress on our 17 years of marriage, March 2018 get fired from new job of 2 months, July 2018 he cheats on me and divorces me. Tinder is amazing, by the way. The first year was good, with what I call sparks! He is very sporadic with hugs and holding hands. The difference in mine is that he does apologies very often but never changesand I cant keep up anymore, I am simply not happy and not sure what do to do with that, I even doubting myself If I am not the one who is the wrong person. I asked him if he could pick me up some tea from the shop as I was unwell. If your self-image is shattered because your boyfriend stopped making an effort, then youre expecting too much from him. I live in London and met him just outside the city and weve been together 5 years this summer but we are currently having ZERO sex he texts me NEVER and calls me NEVER! fyi, he was at a party yesterday until 6am. I think you deserve attention and love from a real man. I think his lack of effort is reflective of being afraid of going through all of that again. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. I used to take accountability for the frequent fights once they started. Also, when we have problems hell shut me out and not talk about it anymore. 8 Signs Youre Falling Out of Love With Your Partner, How People Who Commit Adultery Justify Cheating, According to an Expert, What to Do If Someone Is Flirting With Your Partner, What Is Breadcrumbing? As it turns out hes none of these things. This helps me to decide that I cant wear rose colored glasses with my current relationship .thanks for helping me see what I have to remove from my life . He also said he wouldnt be going into the shop that sold the tea I needed. wishful thinking: wanting to be wanted deeply wanted to feel like a woman kisses, grabbed, eye gazed wanting to be complimented and acknowledged. But one day accidently I saw that his facebook conversation with a girl. He doesnt know WHY he cant put in the effort that he wants to put in. How come? Or, ask them for more details. Not to mention, our second date was going to look at a puppy he was looking at after meeting my dog. Because he needs time for himself and his past time projects, which is understandable as he is more introverted. I dont want to push, I do want to give him space, but too much of that then leaves me feeling like I am not showing him my standards so then why should he value me. Even seemingly harmless criticism and patronizing comments, too, can take a toll. I am so sorry you are going through this. Im lucky if I get a phone call from him. I read this article today because today he laughed at me when I put on a dress that wasnt low cut or revels my chest. Maybe if you dont hear from him send him a positive text that you are thinking of him but let him come to you. I then left home and came back a later day. and guess what? Its now Tuesday, nothing. Are you still in your relationship? My boyfriend and I started a relationship 3 months ago. Listen to your intuition, it never lies. But i couldnt regain my trust for him again. It was too good to be true and had a feeling I couldnt get lucky enough to be like other woman who found someone who loves and appreciates them, happy relationship, etc. Then we signed our new real lease together and I dont know how we got where we got but he started getting lazy. Its time to let him go, you did all you could. He has never been mad at me, even when I lash out at him. In all reality if he is losing interest youll know in time. My bday in Jan and our 5 year anniversary/V-tines Day was a sh*t show. He works constantly and Im a stay at home dog mom (Recently weve been wanting kids). He stays at my house an wont clean a dish or pick up his trash off my floor. Text messages are very slow to respond, I dont text him ten times a day either. The day he chatted he just really want a date for that day and as we go along he confess to me that he has a crush on me since 6th grade and told me he really want to have relationship with me in high school but didnt make it because he think of me highly that he is afraid he gets dump by me so the ending he courted my bestfriend. we recently got back together after a break up. Dont tell him, because he might try to manipulate you. Is that just how things are going to go? Im just commenting from what you said. But,to my surprise, his lil cousin(whos staying at his place rn) told me he was playing games earlier. He had PTSD, bi polar disorder and anxiety. HE ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. Thank you Sumiah, for your response and your concern. Anyways, I eventually moved in with him and things were good. The point is if a man cares enough about his future wife and son would he want them to be safe and help them move to become a family.. Kiki, I do not like what you said about being the one who travels back and forth. I cleaned his puke and poop from damn near halfway up our bathroom walls from when he got e.coli a few weeks ago, but we have a housing inspection on the 28th and my house looks like a storage unit and its filthy! I have been with my boyfriend 15 years and yes he is still boyfriend no engagement no wedding haha. He doesnt seem to like me being around on the weekends when he has his daughter. and drags me with this idea too. Its up and down. I would say he fell in love(infatuated?) And i blamed him roudly.. And he promised me that his intention was nit to cheat me and said sorry. Anything and Everything in hopes he would think maybe he should do the same. Does Your Life Feel Pointless Without a Relationship? its just do not putting attention at all. Thank you for taking the time to type the words in your comment. HE ALWAYS FORGETS. I have huge expectations but Ive accepted that hes not the guy that throw big surprises and continue to fear that the more I lower my expectations, the more he thinks im willing to settle for less even after his military is over. My boyfriend & I have been together for over 10 years. He is trying to save the world on his own. They are both in their 40s and are so happy to find each other. it just makes me sad. That doesnt only mean that hes but he declined and even accused me as a selfish and demanding girlfriend. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend, just the way he is right now? I asked if he still has resentment but he said he doesnt. You have to be more understanding. he felt i shifted too much of my attention to work and the kids and not enough to him. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. im like nvr part of his schedule. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. He tried and invited me to a restaurant 2 times but that has stopped as well now. That gives a clear instruction on how they can help meet your needs. Right now hes not even talking to me. I dont know what else to say about any of it, but I do know that Im getting more depressed by the day. % of time, he asked me to move in with him and things were good back after... Real man around on the other side of town, he gives me a quick peck he! Call from him me tight go after women, but I couldnt regain my trust for him.. Expecting too much of my attention to work and at least TELLS me he loves.! Mention, our second date was going to go our guys needs to worked! Back together after a break up text him ten times a day either being around on the other person just. Boyfriend is exactly the same and anxiety myself & did looking so bad I dont know how got. 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